This Is Us

How To Have An "Us" Centered Relationship In a "Me" Centered World. I was 20 and Beth was 18 when we started out on the journey called marriage. Now almost 47 years later, we are still together and more in love than the day we first said "I do." I remember the feeling of love and how neither of us couldn't wait to be married. After all, we were in love. We were so excited as I asked her father for permission to take her hand in marriage. I can still remember the words that came out of his mouth. He said, "Bill marriage is like a funeral." I can remember being stunned and thinking, man that is a morbid way to look at this very exciting and happy day. Then he went on, He said, "in marriage the me dies and the us takes its place." Today looking back, those were some of the wisest words I have ever heard. Each of us comes into marriage with the baggage of me and me only. To have a successful marriage, both must die to themselves. The desires and wishes of the other must replace the temptation of selfishness. The fact is, each party in marriage brings their past and their upbringing to the new union. Each person has certain prejudices and beliefs ...certainly not always congruent with each other. This is even often more prominent when children come onto the scene. The world sells and advertises you and your happiness. But when two become one in marriage, Love and respect become the keys for success. You must learn that love is most important. Love says I will do what is best for my partner. I will help you become who God meant for you to be. I am here to compliment you; not compete with you. Love sometimes requires sacrifice of you for the betterment of us. Sometimes it requires a change in work habits and lifestyle. Sometimes it means giving up something you enjoy for the enjoyment of the other partner. The Bible says "Love each other as Christ loved the church." That means loving to the point of sacrifice, even your life for your partner. That is an amazing love. Respect is not earned in marriage. What?! No, in marriage respect is just something you do. I know in today's world it is common for the spouse to say "but he hasn't earn my respect" ...all I can say is to respect him anyway and watch how his love will grow for you. In today's "throwaway" world, so many miss the joy of growing old together and more in love everyday because they have been fed the lie. If I am not happy I should leave. All I can tell you is that those who stick it out through the trouble days and years, and learn these principles are blessed, and find that it is worth it in the long run. Women need love as men need respect. Both need to be given unconditionally. One of the secrets to a lifetime marriage is the word commitment. That is why It is called a covenant. When God brings two people together in marriage, it is not Him who causes us to break this sacred covenant ...it is our own actions. It is time for those experiencing marital difficulties to stop blaming each other and instead to start loving and respecting each other. The biggest guarantee for a successful journey from marriage till death do us part is if each of the parties draw close to God and pray together on a continual basis. A marriage that has God as it's center will be honest, loving, and long lasting. The Bible says, "seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all other things will be added unto you." All includes a wonderful, loving and respectful marriage and a God fearing family. The truth is, our thinking and not thinking affects us. Unforgiveness, pride, lust, and anger are all attitudes that hit each of us without even giving much thought to them. The fact is these thoughts lead to spur of the moment actions. Actions that can be one moment away from changing one's life in the most dramatic way. This why we need to continually look to God for help. In marriage, the best advice is for each person is to think and act more like Christ. Words can be helpful or hurtful. In marriage, words of love build up and words of criticism and hurt will find their way to the surface and do great damage. Tame your tongue and learn to think before you spew out the negative feelings. Ask yourself... is this going to hurt or help? Put yourself in the the other person's shoes and ask yourself, is this truly a loving position? The Bible has 2 strong commands for a strong marriage. "Wives submit to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord." I actually do not like this command. Why? Because it puts all the responsibility of the final decision on the back of the man. Which is a great responsibility before God and man. Some men think this is a command they can hold over their wife so they can demand her obedience. Not so; it is more about an attitude and a covering for the wife. Sometimes a wife will follow along after a decision her husband has made, though she may not have made that certain decision. But always remember, the Husband is responsible before God Almighty. " Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Think of the difference Love makes in any situation. Always remember "a soft answer turns away wrath." To have a deep and enriching life together, add to it all the fun and the joy of marriage. Carve out time to be together! You will always be learning more about each other, and just being together to say I love you, you are beautiful, and you are special... is special! Have a blast and laugh a lot together. Thank God for your mate and give God the glory for providing just what you needed to complete you and make each of you, us!!

#Marriage