5 Steps To A Lasting Marriage

5 steps to a marriage that gets better and better – the eternal dance…

Step One In the real world even the best of people are flawed. Love is full of pain and mistakes, that is what makes it so interesting. Love is like learning to dance; when you first hear the music you are full of passion and excitement – and you don’t care who is watching as you fling each other around the dance floor with total abandonment. You are often are clumsy and full of missteps. Trial, error and correction make it all worthwhile.

But then the music begins to wane, and you begin stepping on each other’s toes, some think that is the TRUTH of the relationship and run but that is when you learn true love begins. That’s when you start to learn each other’s rhythm and how to move together. And that is when you become grateful and thankful the relationship God brought together. We have been dancing together now 45 years and still find ourselves stepping on the toes of each other but more in love now than ever.

Step Two -The dance is for a lifetime. There is a day ahead in which the "boiling point" is coming. Commitment is a word that has lost meaning in today’s world. We had a rough start to our marriage like most do. We married very young and started our family very young. - 1, 2, 3, our children all under the age 3. This all while facing desperate financial challenges. We started and worked as entrepreneurs in a business that required 100% of both of us to succeed. The day to day pressures of life seemed insurmountable at times.

One day it all came to a head as we reached the boiling point ( expect your boiling point day to come – don’t be caught off guard.) and we looked at each other and said, “Did we marry forever or did we marry until we were sick of each other” because that is where this marriage had arrived in our journey. We both stopped and through the tears and the pain - We both looked at each other and decided that day our commitment/vows meant something. we recognized our marriage was on life support. We knew God honored the fact that we were willing to fight for the commitment we had made before Him and those watching our marriage.

Our work has really paid off, We love each other so much and give thanks for our marriage. Every day. We have so much fun and enjoy each other.. The battle to win has made our relationship the best one could wish for. Thank God! The commitment to our marriage was instilled from an understanding of God’s Word. Read it for yourself then ask God to help you enjoy and grow not only close to Him but also together.

Step Three- “We need to work on our marriage – it’s tough but someone needs to do it.” (LOL) This is what Beth and I would say to each other as we drove out of our driveway for a weekend adventure together. (-8 kids not included) We would use these times to connect and reflect. It was a special time to disconnect from all the outside influences of daily living and business life and focus on one another. We turned off the phones and the struggles of life. These times became special moments and memories even if it was only at the hotel down the street with their weekend special. These are moments where vision and spiritual revival became realities in our lives. We made a habit to treat ourselves to a getaway with each other every quarter.

Step Four- Respect and love. We both need both. For men the accent is on respect. For women it is love. Both need to be given unconditionally as a gift from God extended to our spouse. Respect is more about attitude and tone. In our society we have been told respect must be earned and love is to be given unconditionally. This is a lie. Both love and respect are to be given because God commands it. God knows what will make marriage work so stop arguing with Him and enjoy the dance. Ephesians 5:33 NIV

Step Five -With Gods help we can always choose to be grateful (thankful) for what is given rather than resentful for what is withheld……..over time either (attitude) will become a way of life. Remember gratitude attracts, resentment repels. It is so much more enjoyable to dance with someone you are attracted to then repelled by.

Herbert Racke, Beths father was extremely wise and said, “A wedding must also be a funeral, where the I dies and the we is born.” From now on the dance is what is best for us not what is best for me. Marriage is not for the selfish soul!

#Marriage